Vulnerable or Guarded?

For the past year or so, I have been pondering this idea of being vulnerable yet guarding my heart at the same time. We are told "above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23. And I definitely agree with that! So many times, I have failed to guard my heart, especially regarding guys. I desire marriage so much that sometimes I will defraud myself into thinking that I have met the one. And now, it is up to me to "make it happen!" I know now that this way of thinking is so common among women. I also know that it can be dangerous. Why do I long to give my heart away so quickly? For so long I saw myself as "the girl who's never dated." I pretty much made that my identity. I know that my worth is not based on men. I know this. But still, this was a part of me. I felt like it set me apart from other girls. The downside is that all I had experienced was rejection. When you have only experienced feelings that are never returned, insecurity definitely sets in. You wonder what is wrong with you. So many times, I feel like I am not enough and too much all at the same time. At some point, guarding your heart gets a little easier. But it is out of fear of putting it out there at all. And is that how we are supposed to be? Are we supposed to be so guarded that we don't allow ourselves to feel anything until there is a guarantee the other person will share those feelings? I recently had my first dating experience, at the age of 24. It lasted less than 2 weeks. It just wasn't the right thing - for many reasons. For one thing, my heart was not in it, and neither was his. We also both had very different ideas on what a relationship should look like. I won't go into all the little things. I'll just say that I stepped out there and gave it a chance even though I was not initially interested. So, it was easy to guard my heart because I was not emotionally invested. But, the lack of feelings kept me from being at all vulnerable. In this case, I was not quenching feelings. They just were not there. So I ended things. But what about someone else? I think its a balance. Feelings make us want us to be vulnerable, but also make it difficult to guard our hearts. I'm sure it is wonderful when it all works out in that balance and the other person shares the same feelings. But the uncertainty is so scary. At what point do I stop guarding so much and allow myself to be a little vulnerable with someone I do have feelings for? It is such a risk. Such a risk that it would be the same old thing. Just one more person who does not feel the same. Just one more rejection. But at the same time, if I guard too much and don't allow myself to feel anything at all, because of fear... what might I miss? I really don't want to deal with all of this stuff. I just want to be chosen. I want to be sought after. I want someone to think I'm special and worth the effort. Maybe I will just have to wait for that. But I know he's not going to fall from heaven! I have to deal with the vulnerable/guarded balance. There are no guarantees. I definitely don't have things figured out. But I do know that fear and insecurity are not from God.
Lord, show me this balance. Help me to discern when I am supposed to really guard my heart and when I can be a little vulnerable. Protect my heart, God. And I pray for my husband - that you will protect his heart as well. Thank you for preparing me for him, and him for me. Guide our steps...